Special Diet for Special Kids....

After much discussion Sean and I decided before we medicate Connor we would first try a natural solution. So we began all 4 little's plus myself on the GF/CF diet. That's the Gluten free, Casein (dairy) free diet. It's recommended for autistic children but there are a whole lot of other "issues" that can benefit from it as well. We've kept Kyalynn from dairy for some time due to seeing an increase in her autistic behaviors. They have been eating this way for 3 weeks now. At first it was a bit challenging to figure out how to make this all fly but I'm very pleased with how well they are doing with it. For our Thanksgiving meal I just took out some corn and potatoes before they were buttered for the little's and doctored them with our dairy free butter. They did ask for grandma's yummy fudge but I told them it had dairy and gave them the cupcakes I had made for them instead. I am baking every day now as I make everything instead of buying it for them. The GF/CF foods already prepared you can buy are very expensive and that's not an option for us right now. Actually, I'm rather enjoying it. It takes more time and effort but I feel so good knowing we are giving this a chance and I know God will bless it. I feel so Betty Crocker cooking away in the kitchen. LOL! And of course, I have many willing helpers too! :)
As for if we are seeing any changes, we are. Kyalynn seems so much more calm overall and her ability to speak in sentences is improving greatly! She was actually having a conversation with Sean yesterday and it just blessed his socks off! :)
We haven't seen alot of change in Connor yet but we aren't giving up hope!
The most change we've seen so far has been in Gabriella. I am not kidding when I say that EVERY night at supper Gabriella would scream and yell because she didn't want to eat what I made. Basically, all she eats is chicken nuggets, fish sticks and peanut butter. Whenever she is asked to eat anything outside of that list she would go ballistic. It made dinner time so much fun! (read sarcasm here) I'm sure she has sensory issues but she also has a very strong will. LOL! We began the diet on a Monday and for the next 2 1/2 weeks she would eat her meal EVERY NIGHT without so much as a whine! I'm talking the same foods the rest of us were eating. We praised her and at night during her bedtime prayers she would say "Thank you that Gabi didn't scream at supper". When talking about Thanksgiving and Christmas and what we can give to God she decided that she could give God the gift of her eating her supper without screaming and a happy heart as a gift of thanks to Him. It's been so peaceful during meal time now! I will admit that there has been about 3 nights that she has cried and fussed about the food but is still required to eat it, which she does but only if I feed it to her. I keep praying that this will become the norm around here.....no screaming at mealtime for our digestion's sake and for our sanity. :)
We have a goal that we will have the little's eat this way for 3 months and if we don't see any improvements we will go back to our regular diet. Honestly, I hope we don't. The kids are eating so much healthier now and I feel God's pleasure when I'm cooking and baking away in the kitchen. Although, that piece of fudge does smell pretty enticing, my GF/CF cupcakes are pretty divine themselves! LOL!

This Boy Has Talent....

Zachary made this end table for Ericka for their anniversary. It turned out terrific and I even tried to coerce him to make me one! LOL! Hey, maybe I'll get one for Christmas. After he stained it he had pictures of them printed and then had glass cut to put over top so things can be set on it without damaging the pictures. He told me he was thinking about making a table for her and then within a matter of days he whipped this beauty out. He likes the idea of making his own furniture for their home and so this is the first piece in the Zachary collection. :)

Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that HE AND ERICKA ARE ENGAGED?! Yeppers! The date is set for March 2011. Just look at them, aren't they gorgeous together?!

There's a backstory (isn't there always?!) to this romance. Ericka's family moved up from Florida many years ago and didn't have any family around here so we adopted them and they've become dear friends. We have spent Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter dinner together most years. I can remember babysitting Ericka and her brother when they first moved up here, they were so little! LOL! Through the years Zack and Ericka have just been good friends but one Thanksgiving dinner something changed and the rest is history. Well, really, it's just the beginning of their story and we couldn't be more blessed to know that Ericka will be our daughter. They are a good match  and I know God has wonderful things planned for these two!!

EEK!

I am soooo far behind. I can't believe I didn't blog Kyalynn's 7th birthday yet. To say there's always alot going on here is an understatement! :)

So without further ado, Kyalynn's special day.

Sweet Kyalynn turned 7 on the 18th.

Checking out the bounty....

Sportin' the shoes (play high heels) She does really good walking in them but really, you should see her dance. I mean she can cut the rug wearing these babies...impresses me for sure because I'm not a high heel wearing girl! LOL!

She wanted a kitty on her cake and then wanted her face painted to match. We are doing a special diet (I'll post about that later) and I made the cake using those special ingredients and no one was the wiser. It was really good!

Happy birthday sweet girl. Each day you amaze me with your determination and your abilities! We love you more than words could ever say!!!!

I am ....

THANKFUL...

....to live in the United States of America, the land of the Free and the home of the Brave.

....to be blessed with another day of life.

....to have been chosen and adopted by the Creator of the Universe and guaranteed a life in Eternity.

....to be forgiven over and over again.

....for a Godly, Warrior husband that faithfully loves me and our children.

....for two precious sons of my womb who bring me great joy.

....for 4 beautiful, amazing children, birthed in my heart, that have taught me more about my adoption by God and have given me eyes to see the forgotten ones and not be content to just know but to DO!

....that God is strong when I am weak.

....that we said Yes to God.

....that we have crystal clear water that runs from our faucets.

....that we have food to eat....3 times a day.

....that we have a roof over our heads and pillows and blankets to keep us warm.

.....that God is in control.  Hallelujah!!

....that we can openly and freely participate in worship and reading of God's word without fear of death.

....for family and friends that will gather around our table tomorrow.

....for those of you who transparently blog your lives so others can learn, grow and see God shine brightly.

....for all the faithful prayer warriors that daily lift our family in prayer.

....for sweet baby giggles, warm sloppy little kid kisses, my teen sons always kissing me goodbye and saying I love you, and for the man of my dreams who gently leads me and extravagantly loves me.

Thank you Abba for all my gifts, large and small. Thank you for your love, forgiveness, and mercy. You are too good to me! I love you with all I am.....

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!

Never a Dull Moment...

Zack has been having an intense headache since Friday morning. No cold, no fever, nothing else but pain. Of course persuading him to go to the hospital or the doctor is harder than pulling a crocodiles tooth! LOL!

Then last night we had a full house and as Sean and I were doing nightly bedtime rituals with the little's Ryan was playing airplane with Nolan. (You know, you lay on the floor with your feet up in the air and the child lays across them and flies.) Anyhow, Ryan got a leg cramp and Nolan started to fall and Ryan grabbed his arm and voila instant pain for Nolan. He cried non-stop for a long time. That is VERY unusual for our sweet boy. He is such a happy joy and if he cries is easily consoled but there was no consoling him last night. We felt his bones and looked him over and everything looked fine but he wouldn't move his right arm so we had the older boys take over the bedtime routine with the little's so we could take Nolan to the hospital. I did try calling the pediatrician but the Dr. on call had an answering machine message stating that they were so busy with flu cases that if you left a message it could be a 2 hour wait for a phone call! So, off we went to the ER. He was so stiff and still and wouldn't talk, smile or snuggle. Not like my boy at all. The Dr. took one look at it said it was most likely nursemaid's elbow (the tendon gets pulled off the bone/dislocated elbow) manipulated it quickly and he was good as new. Within in minutes he was using his arm and wanting to walk around and check things out. Soon he was doing a little dance entertaining Sean and I. LOL! By the time we reached the car he was playing peek-a-boo and laughing and talking. He didn't want to go to bed  when we got home and it was after 11:00 until he was asleep! We are so thankful he is just fine and to hear him happy laugh again!

This morning Zack didn't go to work (which is a HUGE deal for him) so I knew his head was still hurting. Did I mention he's had blurry vision, lack of appetite, sharp pains in his head? Yea, this mom was done. I called Dr. set up appointment and he's on his way there now. Praying for discernment for the Dr. and that Zack tells them all about the pain, and above so they can have an accurate assessment.

So, that's our morning so far....like I said, never a dull moment. Hey, at least I haven't had any RAD issues to deal with yet today! Woo Hoo that means it COULD be a GOOD day!!! Thank you Jesus!

Getting My Brag On....

Ryan is an all around amazing kid. Not only is he a great big brother to the little's, he and Zack share a very cool brother bond as well. In fact, up until a couple years ago they were best friends. They are very different from one another in temperament and in talents, so they compliment each other that way.

These pictures are from vacation this year and it's just Ryan doing his normal big brother thing with the little's.

Ryan and Connor goofing off.

Ryan and sweet Kyalynn enjoying the water.

Ryan loves photography. He has for years. He began with making home videos...music videos of himself playing and singing....snowboarding videos...skateboarding videos.....goofy videos. Then he began using a digital camera someone gave him and he fell in love. He worked his butt off and saved all summer 2 years ago for his camera and continues to read all he can about photography, takes classes and practices ALL the time. :) If you are standing still for one minute he will have his camera in your face directing you on how he wants you to stand etc. LOL! Sean and I really hope he pursues photography in some way. He has an eye for it and really enjoys it. For Christmas I'm hoping he took my hint to have one of his pictures blown up for my living room wall. A Ryan original...the best kind. :)

He just started his own blog that showcases some of his recent pictures. Please stop by and say hi. He'd be glad to hear from you.

Processing....

I'm not even sure where to begin....

It feels like I've been in the processing mode for the last 4 1/2 years!! We really thought getting the official diagnosis would be the catalyst to healing for us, him and our family. In some ways, it has brought relief to know that we aren't crazy (at least the Dr. says were not! LOL!) The Dr. gave us her "recommendations" and would like us to return next week for a follow up visit (basically because she wants to put him on medication and we were uncertain about it during the first visit/evaluation). Although her "findings" were no different then the ones we had already "diagnosed" ourselves and have being trying to deal with it still was alot to take in and process. Several days after the evaluation I met with our Christian Therapist and she had a copy of the evaluation and we were able to dissect the evaluation a bit more and she was able to explain the things I wasn't able to decipher on my own (Dr. language! LOL!) This therapist has been a HUGE blessing to me these last months. She has walked me through some incredibly hard, raw emotions/feelings. As we discussed the psychiatrists' observations, diagnosis, and recommendations I was fine. It was when she gave me the Dr.'s future prognosis for Connor that I felt like I was punched in the gut. I couldn't catch my breath and I couldn't stop sobbing. Now I've shed my share of tears in her office, LOL!, but that night it was like there was an ocean of tears that just couldn't, or wouldn't stop. When I left her office I immediately called my dear friend and she talked to me and prayed for me and our family and helped to stem the tide of tears. What did the therapist say to me? What would make me feel like that?

We were told the prognosis for Connor is not good. He has a variety of  big diagnoses, with all but one of them, affecting his brain. RAD, ADHD, Central Auditory Processing Disorder, Articulation Disorder and the Dr. also suggested there might be possible PDD/NOS (autistic spectrum) as well. Now, my therapist was right in saying the Dr. isn't God, and I know that. She said God could choose to heal Connor tomorrow, next month, next year or never. She told me "Lisa, you've been living in a fantasy world these last 4 1/2 years just waiting for Connor to be "fixed". Now you are at a crossroads. You choose which way to go. One choice is to grieve the loss of the little boy you've imagined, accept this reality, lower expectations and move on or you can continue in this vicious cycle of questioning God, bitterness and anger".  As Sean and I discussed it we felt like she was right and that bar a miracle from God (which we've been praying for over all 3 of the little's, every.single.night) that this is how he would be...forever. It was hard to wrap my brain around because I believed God would heal him, heal each of them. I've been holding out for that.....for 4 1/2 long, hard years! It was like the death of hope.

Last night we watched a video from a friend that you are to share with others so they can understand RAD and why we parent as we do. It was a Nancy Thomas video and it was, as they all are, excellent! Anyways, in the video she says several times, that children with these issues can be healed, totally and completely. She mentions a 9 year old boy who stabbed his 2 year old sister to death and is now a healed, whole, functioning member of society! Sean and I kept catching each other's eye and you could tell we were both thinking the same thing......why NOT Connor?! Of course, we still had a flicker of hope that God could and would still choose to heal Connor but without His divine intervention there was nothing else we could do. Trust me, we've tried and tried some more. We've given to there was nothing left. My heart has been broken so many times and I've dealt with mean, senseless comments from clueless people too many times to count. We are in a war here. Yes a spiritual one, but it's also very mental, emotional and physical too. Who knew opening yourself up to a child/ren could cause this much pain?! I'm not going to give you platitudes here and say "I'd do it all over again" because truthfully I don't know if I would. I love my children with all I am and I know we've grown as a family through all of this but I wouldn't have willingly chosen this path. If I knew then what I know now......

My precious friend Dana sent me an email earlier filled with scriptures about God healing. She told me to not give up the hope of Connor being healed, totally and completely and I felt the agreement in my Spirit. THAT is what has gotten us through some intense days, weeks, months and years...the fact that Connor would be a living testimony to God's healing power! I'm sad to admit that I allowed someone else's opinion to overshadow God's. Not to whine, but it truly is hard to keep your eyes focused on those Truths when you are dealing with so much YUCK day in and day out!

So that's where we are right now. We are still processing and praying. Prayers are so appreciated!! Your comments are always a blessing as well however, please, please be kind. Please do NOT tell me we aren't trusting God enough, or we aren't doing enough, or that we chose this, etc. Unless you've walked a mile in our shoes please don't try to tell us how to best parent our difficult child/ren. That does nothing more than add guilt and condemnation to our already overloaded shoulders.

On this same note.....there are many families right now in the throes of disrupting their adoptions because of the issues involved with RAD children. It is soooo sad. My heart is so heavy. Please DO NOT judge them!! Unless you've lived with a child like this you have NO IDEA what it feels like to live on this precipice daily. When you have to monitor your child around the animals because of his/her obsession in hurting them, when you have to monitor your child with his/her siblings because of his/her obsession with hurting them, when you have to monitor what toys your child can have because they will try to stuff them down their throats or wrap belts around their necks, just for fun......these are just some of the issues parents of RAD children deal with. There are many, many more. If you want to help....prayer is always needed!